How Can I Survive Divorce When I’ve Been with Him for So Long
What roles men and woman play in life has changed drastically within only a few generations. Many women are choosing independent, agency filled lives. Some attribute dropping marriages rates with the fact that many women aren’t socially forced into marriage, by virtue of being unable to gain sustainable income for their household without a man. Things have changed so much that many women have begun to question the institution of marriage in its entirety.
While all of this can be fascinating and engaging material, it can be a dreadful pile of nonsense for the recently divorced woman trying to make sense of her life. While the options afforded to the American woman are greater than they’ve ever been in most places, certain cultural hang-ups can be hard to shake. You may feel like mourning your marriage makes you sound like a spineless shill while, at the same time, having gone through a divorce can also make it feel like you are somehow a failure to your gender. All the while this little tug of war is going on in your head, there are the legal battles, work, bills, and your dinner isn’t exactly going to make itself.
Humans are creatures of habit, and having a companion of any sort changes us. Even if, by the time it’s all said and done, you were ready to club him in the head? You’re going to find yourself missing the familiarity of your ex-husband, even if you’re still contemplating bludgeoning the crap out of him. Adapting to single life again can be harrowing, but it’s doesn’t have a bite anywhere near as bad as its bark.
First of all, make some time for some old friends. For best results, go to your own pool of friendships that were made long before your wedding. You’re going to feel much calmer, relaxed, and carefree if youíre surrounded by the same gal-pals that you grew up with. Go out and have fun, in whatever manner you choose to. If this means watching some sappy movie together that you’ll never publically admit to watching, do that. If it means skydiving, do that. If it means both, all the better. Just make sure you deploy your parachute before you get to the sappy moments, as you don’t want to be tearing up when hand to eye coordination is key.
If your friends aren’t helping you get out of your funk, perhaps it’s time to consider professional help. As much as you may not want to feel like the clichÈ of the recently separated woman in therapy, it may time to face the fact you don’t have all the answers. While the therapist doesn’t have them either, he or she has probably dealt with plenty of people with problems just like yours. They’re non-judgmental professionals, whose job is it to help you untangle the knot in a healthy way.
Try and resist the temptation of bar crawling and getting into a string of meaningless, superficial relationships; this just end up getting you into bad habits that only make your regrets pile up. Just realize that your current depression is a normal part of divorce that everyone goes through.
Well, everyone except the lawyers of course.